Caring for a special needs child can come with its own set of challenges and difficult decisions. For any parent, teacher or caretaker, figuring out the best way to help these children thrive is the number one priority, but everyone has a different strategy. One of the most confusing parts about caring for children with special needs is implementing a strategy for consistency with motivation and accountability that is appropriate for the child.
Maintaining a schedule and setting clear boundaries is one of the most helpful ways to ensure that children with special needs are developing adequately and following rules. Their cognitive and developmental limitations create barriers for target behaviors and understanding a traditional action/consequence relationship. However, a lack of schedule or a chaotic environment will feed into whatever difficulties they are already having, and so it’s imperative that a proper schedule and routine, as well as clear boundaries is regulated. They will thrive as much as they can in those environments, which will make the caregiver’s or instructor’s job so much easier.
When children with special needs break a rule or cross a boundary, traditional punishment may not be the best option. They won’t understand what it means, and may instead shell up and make it harder to communicate with them. Especially children with a history of being abused, they may truly misunderstand the relationship between their actions and a punishment. Therefore, alternatives must be used. Here are some alternatives to punishment when disciplining a special needs child.
Praise good behaviors and ignore bad behaviors
It can be so tempting to harp on the bad behaviors as soon as they happen because they can be disruptive, concerning, embarrassing, or even dangerous. However, by only doing that and not acknowledging positive behaviors, children are learning that the only way to get attention is by doing something bad that evokes a response.
If you can ignore a bad behavior, or minimally acknowledge it, but overly praise positive behaviors, then you can break this cycle of thought. They will then associate positive behaviors with encouragement, attention, positive interactions, and maybe a reward. It’s important to not overindulge them with things like sweets, or money, as this can lead to a rabbit hole of expectations. But finding the right balance of praise can truly do some good.
Determine the underlying cause of the behavior
Sometimes, children with special needs are simply unable to communicate their frustrations or feelings about something. Therefore, they act out – yell, throw objects, make a scene, etc. This can be even more frustrating as a caregiver because it seems to come out of nowhere and can escalate very quickly.
Before reacting to the behavior, see if you can determine what is causing it. Assess the situation and determine what it is that they may be missing. If you can address their needs to the best of your ability, then you may be able to reduce the duration of the outburst and communicate ways they can better communicate their needs instead of the outburst.
Model appropriate behaviors
Children do as they see, especially those with low cognitive and social abilities. Therefore, you cannot tell a child to act a certain way, and then act the opposite. Children will just do as they see you do. So if you get frustrated and start yelling and throwing things, so will they. Practice having control over your reactions so that you handle them in a calm and disciplined manner. Children will pick up on these behaviors and learn how to model them because they have a real life, consistent example.
If this is hard for you, or you are unsure if you model incorrect behaviors, ask your friends and family for honest evaluations of how you handle inconveniences and then seek outside help for ways to better control yourself.
Give warnings before changes
No children likes changes, and children with altered social and developmental skills may really dislike changes. So stopping fun activities or changing to do something else before the child is ready may cause an outburst. If you can give warning before it’s time to change, then that may help mentally prepare children for what’s to come. For example, letting them know they have five minutes left to play their game, and then four, and so on. This way they have ample time to wrap up whatever they’re doing to avoid frustrations over ending unexpectedly.
Visuals demonstrating time can also be an option. Letting them see a timer and informing them when it hits zero, it will be time to move on can be a great way to put them in charge of their own time, while setting a very clear boundary of when it’s time for a transition.
Give choices
When you have asked your child to do something, they need to do it. However, how they do it may be up to them. Giving them choices can be a great way to make them feel like their own independent agent, while also getting them to do what you need. If you need them to go from one place or another, state what you need them to do and ask how they would like to get their (i.e. be carried, walk, hop like a bunny, crawl, etc.). Get creative, make it fun, and have a little flexibility in how children complete your requested actions.
Relate consequences to behavior
Timeouts may be a great way for you to communicate a punishment, however, if a child doesn’t have the ability to understand the meaning of a timeout, then it’s not an effective punishment. Consequences should be related to the unwanted behavior. If a child throws something, they must retrieve it before they can continue playing. If they do not want to do something, then they cannot do anything else until they have done what you’ve asked. Make sure to connect the two so they understand what is the desired behavior.
Be consistent
The hardest part about discipline period is consistency. However, without consistency children may not learn what correct behavior is and model it on their own, and they may also learn how to overwhelm you and get what they want anyways. Consistency is a huge part of teaching children and visual aids like charts may be the perfect way for you both to be on the same page. Even if you’re tired and don’t feel like fighting that battle, understanding the long-term goal is for them to follow only after a couple or requests, and the only way you’ll get there is by following through.
If you have a special needs child and need some assistance, Diverse Health Services may be a great fit for you family. We are a home healthcare company that can provide some relief for families and caretakers. Our services include assistance with activities of daily living, transportation, meal preparation and feeding, laundry and cleaning, companionship, and medication dispensing, to name a few. Please click our services button to see if we would make a good fit for your family.
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